It is not your fault. Nobody asks to be assaulted even if you were drunk, dressed in a risque manner, or started to have sex and tried to stop it. No means no. Real men stop when asked to. It's the perp's fault -- no matter what he said or did. It doesn't even mattered if you are married, engaged or just dating him. It is not your fault.

Your response to the assault does not matter either. Some women & children fight back, some women capitulate, some women take revenge, and some women & children do a little bit of all three. There are as many different reactions to assault as there are women. Sexual arousal is common in cases of sexual assault and that doesn't mean that you enjoyed it, invited it, or agreed to the sexual contact. Pleasure and happiness are two different things, and often sexual arousal during assault is not really pleasure.

It is important to not judge yourself or others for how they react to assault.

There are basically two courses of actions to take in case of an assault. You must decide if you wish to report it to authorities or not. You do not have to decide right away, but the further the report gets from the assault, the less likely the D.A. will pick up the case. Without their "evidence" they will not usually take the case.

Reporting sexual assault usually involves a trip to the hospital. Rape exams are free to victims and often take two to three hours. Sometimes they involve pulling out of pubic hairs, gathering other physical evidence from the victims body, taking photos of bruises, cuts, etc. Reporting abuse and going through the process of getting a conviction can tag a rapist so that it is on his or her permanent record. Sex offenders have to be part of a sex offender registry in most states, if not all, and have to report their whereabouts to authorities. If you do decide to report it is important you do not clean up the crime scene or yourself. You should not bathe or change clothing or put on makeup.

If you choose to report you may have to repeat the story over and over to many different authority figures. They will want the graphic details of the assault.

If you choose not to report the crime, nobody should be allowed to make you feel guilty for not doing so. Rape exams are traumatizing as well, and many survivors feel more traumatized by rape exams then the actual rape or assault. Sometimes the exams go on longer than the actual assault. Rest assured that Jesus and/or Goddess knows what happened, and He wants you to talk to Him about it. There is justice for rape survivors; it may just take time.

Your emotions may be all over the board following an assault. Sexual abuse and assault tends to linger for months, years and even decades after the trauma. Some say the effects last a lifetime, and they may not be wrong about that. It is important that people who've been assaulted do not turn to substances, suicide, or prostitution. These things will not fix anything at all. Many people who have been there, done that would tell you the same. Assault is never the survivor's fault, however healing is the survivor's responsibility. (That is part of the reason that God hates it so much. It makes for much more work for it's survivors should have to do.) Jesus loves rape survivor's and victims and doesn't want us to have to deal with unnecessary pain.

Some safe coping skills are:

• Asking for help -- Find someone safe to talk to.
• Inspire yourself -- Carry something positive around with you.
• Cry -- Tears release toxins in the body and can be very healing.
• Take good care of yourself -- You have physical and emotional needs. Take care of them. A little at a time if necessary.
• Stay safe -- Better to lose a lover then love a loser. You don't have to prove how unafraid you are.
• Say what you think -- Don't let the losers censor you.
• Self Talk -- Use kind words toward yourself. Try to see yourself through God's eyes. Would God actually say that about you?
• Take action -- Do what you can about it to help yourself and, perhaps, others.
• Try patience -- Be patient with yourself.

PTSD does not just happen to war veterans and POWs. It happens to many who have been tortured, abused and/or raped. Post-traumatic Stress Disorder is a condition that causes it's victims to relive the trauma in some form or fashion over and over again. It is considered to be an anxiety disorder by psychiatrists.

The symptoms of PTSD must occur after experiencing, seeing or learning of a traumatic event, must last for more then a month, and must cause severe problems or distress in your personal, work or other areas of your life to be considered PTSD. PTSD sufferers relive the trauma and re-experience it's symptoms. PTSD sufferers tend to use avoidance and numbing coping techniques such as not being able to remember important details, and making efforts to avoid people, places and things associated with the trauma. PTSD sufferers tend to have nightmares and displaced anger as well. They may startle easily or have problems sitting with their back to people in rooms.

PTSD should be treated by a licensed therapist and, perhaps, even a psychiatrist -- as some medications exist that treat PTSD symptoms somewhat effectively and have been approved to treat this condition. Sometimes people with PTSD have other conditions that need treatment as well.

Grounding is a common coping technique used by people who have PTSD. That involves bringing yourself back to the present moment and taking stock of the concrete reality around you. The smells, sights, and feelings in this exact moment. Anyone can practice grounding at any time and it can be very effective.

Nobody should have to cope alone anyway. It is not a step down to see a therapist after assault and abuse. It is generally a good idea to seek counseling after trauma anyhow.

Unfortunately, many of us have friends and/or relatives in abusive relationships. Sometimes the only course of action is to put your own safety first, especially if you are another woman. When we are involved with a creep he threatens friends and relatives as well. People look at who you are involved with and if they feel endangered they may not stick around.

If you have friends or family involved in abusive relationships, try to be supportive. Tell him or her that is not their fault. Try to keep or establish rapport with the person. Assume the perp still has control and take their safety seriously. You can talk about the cycles of abuse and violence and other facts about violence.

You do not have to endanger yourself to help someone.

Remember that survivors have been under control tactics, and may be allergic to anything that looks like control or manipulation on your part. Don't ask her why she doesn't leave. Don't help him in any way. Don't get defensive or argumentative. Assertiveness doesn't always work on abusive types and can make things worse. You cannot save someone who does not participate or cooperate, but being supportive can help them

Nobody deserves abuse or rape.